Didn't believe the hype until today, failed the polygraph

[elismom]

So I read some information about polygraphs before I went to take mine.  I am taking a test for Fairfax County Dispatcher testing, not a police officer, not the CIA but a dispatcher.  I saw some of these websites around and thought wow they are just a bunch of paranoid, conspiracy theorists who obviously have some character flaws.  I admit, this was my thought when i first looked at your website.

Until today.  Today I took my polygraph test.  And out of the 10 questions that mattered, including "have you ever committed a serious or undetected crime?" and "have you ever stolen anything over $200?" the ones I failed were "other than Marijuana have you ever used any illegal drugs?" and "Have you ever bought or sold any illegal drugs?"

Now, some background on me.  I used to work for a drug counseling center.  I tried marijuana maybe 4 times tops when I was 14 years old!  After that, nothing. I have not seen most drugs except on TV and in books. I work for a government agency and have taken random drug tests frequently.  I don't even take tylenol when I have a headache because I'm an all natural kind of girl and don't like drugs legal or otherwise.  I have a bottle of cough syrup with codeine thats still full from my last flu, because I only took 2 teaspoons.  I was prescribed Vicodin for my wisdom teeth 2 years ago and did not TAKE ONE PILL.  I ended up throwing away 20 tablets. 

But, according to this test, which the examiner ran 3 times, my most significant responses were to those two questions, have I ever used illegal drugs besides marijuana and have I ever bought or sold illegal drugs. 

Out of all the questions asked, I felt the most confident about those, because I have never done drugs.  And those are the only ones that showed a reaction.

I called my recruiter after the test to tell her, and she said she would look at the test results and call me back, but that there was probably nothing they could do about it.  But she acknowleged that the test is not always reliable.

Great.

So my career is probably dead in the water and theres nothing i can do.  I can take a drug test right now using hair testing, going back however long I need to and I will pass.  But not according to the polygraph.

And the examiner actually commented on how little I had ever done before the test. But after the test, he obviously thought I was a big drug user.

This is ridiculous.

My advice to anyone...avoid the test if you can help it.  There is obviously no rhyme or reason to it and if I can fail it about drug use, anyone can.  I've never been so upset and shocked in my life. 

[YoungGun]

My advice to anyone...avoid the test if you can help it. There is obviously no rhyme or reason to it and if I can fail it about drug use, anyone can.I've never been so upset and shocked in my life.

The same thing happened to me, and it is hard to recover from; emotionally and professionally. I graduated from college last year with a Bachelor's Degree in Law Enforcement and went through a background investigation for the Border Patrol. I failed my first polygraph with them on the "Have you ever used or been associated with any illegal drug activity or use in the past?" question and it was the one that got me. Never even knew what pot smelled like until about 4 months ago (working in dorms at a university).

I was so upset from failing due to something that I am so against that I dreaded taking another polygraph, but when you want to find a job as a police officer you don't have a lot of options when it comes to avoiding polygraphs.

I applied for another PD in Wyoming and passed everything gloriously, except for the drug question. Nothing else, just the drug question. Its now a stigma in my brain and some days I will ask myself randomly "Have you ever used drugs??" and follow it with a stern NO, because I know its the truth- no matter what that damn test says otherwise.

I barely managed to get a job working security at a university. BARELY- because of my failed polygraph results.

  Keep your head up and know that you are NOT alone, but don't put too much faith into finding a dispatch or comm. center job unless they don't require a poly.

[Ac]

I can relate to you folks,i too failed a Polygraph test....it said i stole a ring that i never saw or could of reached for if i had seen it.My arms are to short and the person was standing right behind me watching my every move.......lol

[stefano]

I suspect one day you will find out that not getting into law enforcement was the best thing that ever happened to you.

[rivers]

it happened to me two years ago and im still so upset about it.  ive smoked weed maybe 4 times and havent in 10 years.  the guy giving me the exam tried to relate to me and said it was obvious i was lying and that because ive worked in restaurants most my career i probably did something after work.  he also said that it wasnt just about drug use but that i lied about my past history of drugs, implying that i dealt.  i worked very hard to get to that test, physically, emotionally, mentally, and i was so happy after completing every step and to have it all taken away on a test is deflating.  the border patrol is something i believe in, and i wanted to be an agent so badly that to not even be granted a second chance to take the test...quite painful

[George W. Maschke]

rivers,

Thank you for sharing your polygraph experience. I understand your pain, having been falsely accused of deception myself. Would you consider contributing a more detailed description of your experience for inclusion on our Personal Statements page? It would help to publicly document the harm that our government's misplaced reliance on the pseudoscience of polygraphy is causing to truthful, qualified, and law-abiding citizens.

[MarineMom]

hey I recently was notified via email that I had unfavorable results on the polygraph for cbp. My polygraph was given in Detroit MI by another female. I won't say she mistreated me because she didn't. But during the break I told her after thinking about one of the questions I can recall something to add. This seemed to annoy her and she explained I can't change my answers and I told Im not just after sitting for so long aimlessly I can recall an incident.  During the test she asked me how much the job meant to me and then after she accused me of trying to help myself get through the test...but at no time did she say I failed. Then she told me that unless I had integrity to admit to cheating and trying to help myself through the test I probably wouldn't be given a second chance to try again. How can I get more details on exactly why I didn't pass ect? I emailed her after being notified of the unfavorable results but was told to email a scheduling email address and of course no one responded.

[John Smith]

I too failed my polygraph. But far more rode on mine than yours. I was accused of having sexual intercourse with a vulnerable adult client of mine. I did not do it. She made it up for some reason. I don't know why. I agreed to take the test because there was no other objective way to prove my innocence. Before the test I read that the polygraph failed people who were telling the truth. But a friend told me they work. I was terribly nervous, especially when she asked me if I had sexual intercourse with the woman. I felt very afraid that the polygraph would indicate I was lying. I tried to focus on the questions instead of the machine. After the test I was hopeful that I'd passed. She said I failed. I was crushed! I don't actually know if I really failed the test but if I did the probability that I'll be charged is higher. DO NOT TAKE A POLYGRAPH. DO NOT THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE INNOCENT THAT IT'S SAFE TO TALK TO THE POLICE. DO NOT EVER TALK TO THE POLICE. GET A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY. I SHOULD NOT HAVE EVEN WAITED UNTIL THE POLICE CALLED ME. I SHOULD HAVE OBTAINED A LAWYER AS SOON AS THE ALLEGATION WAS MADE!!! PLEASE DON'T THINK THAT IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE. IT ISN'T. IT'S THE BEST MONEY I COULD HAVE SPENT. PLEASE GET A LAWYER. PLEASE DON'T MAKE MY MISTAKE. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU'RE INNOCENT.

[Ex Member]

I agreed to take the test because there was no other objective way to prove my innocence.

This is the root cause of your mistake. You were never required to prove your innocence; that is not your burden.

[Joe McCarthy]

Ugh, OK, I will say it. I won't be popular for saying it, but then, I was never popular to start with; and I don't anticipate that I will ever really be liked anyway, and I am actually starting to embrace and market that.

First let me say, I am not a lawyer.  I am not giving legal advice.  I am just giving come common sense advice, because I have see too many people screw up their lives, because they think the world is fair, and believe that people are innocent till proven guilty.

NEWS FLASH.  If you have been arrested, you are guilty till proven innocent.  So read this carefully. 

If you are arrested, and the cops want to talk to you, the only words that should come out of your idiot mouth, should be, read this carefully now, "I WANT TO TALK TO A LAWYER!" 

JEEZ, I can't believe this needs to be explained.  If the cops ask for a polygraph, DO NOT REFUSE; remember, anything you say can be used against you.  Instead of refusing, you simply say, "I WANT TO TALK TO A LAWYER!"

Once you ask for a lawyer, (and excuse my French), SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!! Do not talk, cry, weep, sniff, don't even clear your throat.

Tell them you want a lawyer; shut up; then talk to no one but that lawyer.  Once you're arrested, your lawyer is your only friend. 

Oh and don't be an idiot and talk to your cell mate or anyone else in jail.  Chances are, they are a snitch. 

[Joe McCarthy]

Oh and John, with all due respect.  Taking the polygraph was not a total mistake.  Your mistake was taking a polygraph without hiring a LAWYER first.  Idiot move on that one.

NEVER take a state sponsored test.  If you are going to take a test, take it with an examiners that your lawyer directs you toward.  If you are back into a corner where a state test is your only option, your lawyers can take steps to hire an independent expert, to make sure all is above board, and done within standards and charts QC'ed.

Your mistake was, believing that you are innocent till proven guilty.  Don't blame the polygraph for your poor decision or naiveté.

You were done the minute you opened your mouth and didn't say, "I want a lawyer." 

[Ex Member]

Your mistake was, believing that you are innocent till proven guilty.  Don't blame the polygraph for your poor decision or naiveté.

"The Belief in a Just World: A Fundamental Delusion" Melvin J. Lerner (1980)

[Ex Member]

I was never popular to start with; and I don't anticipate that I will ever really be liked anyway,

Joe! Who could not love that face in your picture? It has that wholesome, salt of the earth look....(joking of course). Telling someone to clam up seems prudent to me.

[Joe McCarthy]

Hey, my face shows I am a ray of fucking sunshine, people love and freaking adore me...... Who am I kidding? I have a face that would scatter a leper colony and scare the hell out of Satan himself.  lol

Anyway fun and games aside.

You would be amazed how many times I have seen video where I have all but yelled at the computer screen, like someone yelling at the movie screen in a horror movie.  Ever had that experience in a horror movie?  out of no where you hear, "oh no you are not going to open that door."  When I am watching video, you can often hear me saying, "dude, shut the fuck up. That cop is not your friend." 

It irks me to no end to hear people being duped into talking.  Yes I am aware of the irony that this is what I do for a living; and I have not decided if I am the teapot or the kettle.  But just like the cops, when someone doesn't use the 4th 5th or 6th amendments, they are fair game.  The cops are not the people who make me angry or disgust me.  It's the moronic idiots who don't know the 4th, 5th and 6th amendments of our Constitution, and know how, AND WHEN, to use them; they disgust me.

People, our Founding Fathers did not write this stuff to entertain themselves.  You have a responsibility, and a duty, as an American Citizen,  to learn and know this stuff; and to apply it in your life. 

If you choose not to learn it, or apply it, you are an idiot, who has what is coming to you when come cop, or even someone like me, gets you to talk by buddying up to you or lying to you.  it's like when I hear someone leaves their doors unlocked and someone steals everything.  I don't feel sorry for the victim of the robbery at all.  They all but left an open invite to get robbed.  Harsh?  Yes.  But I am truthful and honest, and people will always know where I stand. 

Here let me lay it our in pure and simple terms, as a polygraph examiner. 

In the bold is the warning I have on my consent to polygraph forms.  In italics, is the McCarthy, plain english explanation.  Note, the Italics is not on my consent forms.  It is simple, commentary I am using here to explain the bold type in plain, simple, easy to understand english.  You will never see this explained so bluntly anywhere else people.  This is McCarthyism at its best boys and girls.  It's not pretty, but it is pretty clear.

NOTE: All tests done under the direction of an attorney, under privilege, the below commentary does not apply.  THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO ASK FOR A LAWYER.  Contrast people, contrast.

You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions.

This is your 5th Amendment right, not to incriminate yourself, stupid.  You can shut up if you want to or keep babbling like an idiot if you want; that is your right.  You also have a right to not do that.  Take a few minutes to think about this; because once you open your pie hole and start talking, I will take full advantage.  Nothing personal, it's what I do.

Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law.

If you do talk, it's your own damn fault for not being an educated and informed American.  Maybe if you payed more attention in, high school civics class, you would know this stuff. 

You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future.

This is your 6th Amendment right.  If you ask for a lawyer, our conversation is over.  I can not talk to you at all, if you ask for a lawyer.  Now here is the trick.  I an't talk to you, but I can listen.  SO please see the above issue where I have addressed the 5th Amendment, and apply that here as well.  If you are not smart enough to know this, you should be hit upside the head with a damn tack hammer, and I will be as smart as a hammer and lessen you every damn word you say, because you are as dumb as a bag of hammers.

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish.

If you are not rich, here is a free pass to end the conversations.  If you think you haft afford your 6th Amendment right, I will offer you a free lawyer, paid for by the state, so you have an excuse to shut up, and or shut me up.  Now you have no excuse of being a moron and not using your 5th and 6th Amendment rights.  If you choose to be a moronic dupe, it's not one me; by all means, tell Uncle Joe all about it.


If you decide to answer questions now without an attorney present, you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney.

In case you re not totally stupid, and maybe you're just a wee bit slow on the uptick; you can change your mind when light dawns on marble head.  Just remember, anything you already told me, is fair game; hanks for the leads.

Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present?

Now that I have been one hell of a great american and given you a brief civics lesson, the choice is yours.  I don't care which choice you make, I am not the one who will have to live with the consequences.  So what will it be; are you going to be smart, or are you going to be my little puppet that I pull the strings to make dance?

SO there is it, plain simple English for all to understand. 

This is all information that has been out there since before the beginning of the internet; only McCarthyized for your benefit; and maybe a small laugh. 

Oh, and yes, I really am this blunt in real life.  People either really, really like me for it; or they really really hate me.  Either or, doesn't matter to me; because like me or hate me, you will always know where you stand with me, I will always be fair, and if I hang you, it's because you handed me the rope. 

[Ex Member]

Whew Joe! That was one for the books. I just may print it out and put it on my refrigerator door.