Infidelity test

[cypress]

Wife and I have had problems during several years. I accused her of having an affair with a young guy and she denied it. Guy called our house several times. Then recently she hooked up with another guy from rehab and was meeting him often at meetings. I saw the phone calls back and forth. I accused her of having an affair she denied again.

She volunteered to take a polygraph on her own. She took the test and it came out she didn't have any affairs or sexual contact with anyone during our marriage. The only thing she admitted to was kissing the guy she met at rehab and this was between 3 and ten times.

Here's my question: First off it's hard for me to believe someone goes and kisses for that many times and stops there, am I right or wrong? Second can she somehow diffuse this test by admitting to this kissing and then deny any sex and fool the machine? Lastly, will examiners lie on behalf of the person being examined if they feel sorry for them. Hope I can get some feedback from you. Thanks because I am still struggling with this even after she took the test.

[cesium_133]

If she hired a private polygrapher, then she has him.  His paycheck comes from her.  So, there is at least the appearance that he might be working the results in her favor.  It does happen, and it can.

Does your wife know CM's (countermeasures)?  It's easier to beat the test by using proper CM's on control questions than it is to flat lie on "Did you have sex with (whomever)?"  However, it's not impossible to do the latter, especially with some practice, ability to control the emotions and certain parts of the autonomic nervous system, and knowledge of arts that allow for such control, like yoga.

For a deeper look into the poly, CM's, and how these things run, read George Maschke's "The Lie Behind The Lie Detector," available free on the front page of this site.  I have read it 4x, and it is very enlightening.

If your wife is in some form of rehab, as I gathered, and is kissing guys in there, you've got marital issues which you must deal with that make a poly look like nothing.  It's not your fault, though, man... infidelity on her part is -her- mortal sin, if she's engaging in it.  Sounds like she admitted kissing one or more 3-10 times by the tenor of your post.  Call me old school, but I would be very distressed if my wife kissed another man with amorous affection even once.

If she tells you she passed, so?  Note above: CM's, control of emotion, perhaps a sympathetic polygrapher, perhaps a new or incompetent one...

Add all these up, toss in whatever her emotional state was, is, might be, how, when, where the test was administered, and so forth.  It's a dynamic, changing encounter and test from minute 1.  She says she passed?  I'm underwhelmed, sorry.  Even if confirmed by the polygrapher, see last paragraph.  This sort of thing is why both sides in a court case get to examine a witness; otherwise, you're only getting one side of the story.

The poly is rife with ways to manipulate it, my man.  Count it as nothing.  I've never been married, but I can say this: if you think she's been cheating on you, trust your gut.  Confront her, talk to her, ask what's up, and do some good old-fashioned digging for info if you must.  Don't let your marriage's future rest on some squiggly lines.  You have the right to complete honesty from your wife, as she does from you.

I pray she has not cuckolded you, and that things get better for you and your marriage.  Good luck, amigo...

[cypress]

Thank you for the comments, I appreciate that.

I should have been more clear: She volunteered to take the ploy but I was the one that contacted the firm and set it up. It was conveyed however to the examiner that she volunteered for this. She did tell me that the examiner showed her the graphs and how they matched to the questions. I did not see this and asked for it but he stated that is not sent out only a summary which basically stated there were no deceptive answers. I guess that is why I asked the question, even though I set it up and payed for it could the guy knowing she volunteered feel sorry for her and lie to me about the answers? When I walked into the room at the end of testing, he stated, 'good news, she hasn't had any affais behind your back or any sexual contact. She has admitted to kissing the one guy'. He stated this in front of both of us. Without seeing the graphs and how they matched to the questions, I am relying on the examiners' honesty and that is what concerns me.

The answer is no, she doesn't know how to affect the test I believe.

[Onesimus]

You guys need a marriage counselor far more than you need a polygrapher.