Normal Topic I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . . (Read 795 times)
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I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . .
Dec 15th, 2023 at 3:14pm
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I took a polygraph and decided to use countermeasures.  Here is what happened:

First I tried tongue-biting.  The polygrapher watched me closely and got suspicious.  I was told to open my mouth and keep it open for the duration of the exam.

Then I tried stepping down on my toes.  There was no tack in my shoe, but I would bunch up my big toe and press down on it hard  to create mild pain.  The polygrapher told me to take off my shoes.

Then I tried to clinch my anal sphincter . . . my butthole. I learned this from Doug Williams.  The polygrapher then told me to take off my pants.

Now I am sitting in the room with my mouth open with no shoes and no pants and I could hear snickering coming from somewhere else in the building.

I later I found out that I failed.  No job for me.  At least they gave me my clothes back.

Is this normal procedure?
  
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Re: I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . .
Reply #1 - Dec 15th, 2023 at 4:40pm
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Is this normal procedure?

For someone as stupid as you, yes.
  
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Re: I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . .
Reply #2 - Dec 17th, 2023 at 6:09pm
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I took my polygaph 2 days before you did. There was some stealing at the financial institution where I worked.  Everyone was required to be polygraphed or be fired. A woman administered the test and she told me the machine was very sensitive and could detect any deception. She explained how the machine worked and then went over some questions. I was told to remove my high heels. There was a mat on the chair and on the floor. I was told to sit perfectly still and look straight ahead.  I felt the blood pressure tighten on  my arm. After a minute she started the questioning. I answered truthfully to all the questions and passed.  It was a stressful event for me. When I got out to my car, my heart started beating like a trip-hammer and my bra felt damp. I'm sorry you failed. But next time just tell the truth.  I really don't think you can beat a polygraph.
  
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Re: I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . .
Reply #3 - Dec 27th, 2023 at 7:27am
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quickfix wrote on Dec 15th, 2023 at 4:40pm:
Quote:
Is this normal procedure?

For someone as stupid as you, yes.

For once I am forced to agree with quickfix. 
  
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Re: I took an IC poly and PASSED!
Reply #4 - Mar 1st, 2024 at 12:25pm
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I just got my official start date for entry on duty with the U.S. Intelligence Community (IC).  This means I passed my pre-employment polygraph, thanks to this site.  I did a few countermeasures and followed the golden rule: Do not confess!   

One habit I did not confess to is that in my own quiet time I browse the dark web (and regular web using the Yandex Russian search engine) and look at videos of naked prepubescent girls.  Not child porn, there is no sexual intercourse, but I just like to watch the videos of the little girls playing naked and showering and such.  I obviously did not mention this to the polygrapher when he kept badgering me about criminal activity.  I just kept answering "no."  The whole polygraph routine is just stupid.  I have made sure to tell everyone I know how this works so nobody confesses and they can pass their polygraphs too.  Thanks for your help guys!
  
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Re: I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . .
Reply #5 - Mar 4th, 2024 at 1:19am
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I just got my official start date for entry on duty with the U.S. Intelligence Community (IC).  This means I passed my pre-employment polygraph, thanks to this site.  I did a few countermeasures and followed the golden rule: Do not confess!  

One habit I did not confess to is that in my own quiet time I browse the dark web (and regular web using the Yandex Russian search engine) and look at videos of naked prepubescent girls.  Not child porn, there is no sexual intercourse, but I just like to watch the videos of the little girls playing naked and showering and such...


If true, this is a sterling example of why relying on the polygraph to protect the security interests of the United States is truly a great aid and comfort to the enemies of the nation. 

Imagine what is  going to happen when some foreign operative discovers the disgusting secret habits of an American IC employee with access to juicy top secret materiel. 
  
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I just toook a poly and here is what happened . . .

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