I took a polygraph and decided to use countermeasures.  Here is what happened:

First I tried tongue-biting.  The polygrapher watched me closely and got suspicious.  I was told to open my mouth and keep it open for the duration of the exam.

Then I tried stepping down on my toes.  There was no tack in my shoe, but I would bunch up my big toe and press down on it hard  to create mild pain.  The polygrapher told me to take off my shoes.

Then I tried to clinch my anal sphincter . . . my butthole. I learned this from Doug Williams.  The polygrapher then told me to take off my pants.

Now I am sitting in the room with my mouth open with no shoes and no pants and I could hear snickering coming from somewhere else in the building.

I later I found out that I failed.  No job for me.  At least they gave me my clothes back.

Is this normal procedure?

I took my polygaph 2 days before you did. There was some stealing at the financial institution where I worked.  Everyone was required to be polygraphed or be fired. A woman administered the test and she told me the machine was very sensitive and could detect any deception. She explained how the machine worked and then went over some questions. I was told to remove my high heels. There was a mat on the chair and on the floor. I was told to sit perfectly still and look straight ahead.  I felt the blood pressure tighten on  my arm. After a minute she started the questioning. I answered truthfully to all the questions and passed.  It was a stressful event for me. When I got out to my car, my heart started beating like a trip-hammer and my bra felt damp. I'm sorry you failed. But next time just tell the truth.  I really don't think you can beat a polygraph.

I just got my official start date for entry on duty with the U.S. Intelligence Community (IC).  This means I passed my pre-employment polygraph, thanks to this site.  I did a few countermeasures and followed the golden rule: Do not confess!   

One habit I did not confess to is that in my own quiet time I browse the dark web (and regular web using the Yandex Russian search engine) and look at videos of naked prepubescent girls.  Not child porn, there is no sexual intercourse, but I just like to watch the videos of the little girls playing naked and showering and such.  I obviously did not mention this to the polygrapher when he kept badgering me about criminal activity.  I just kept answering "no."  The whole polygraph routine is just stupid.  I have made sure to tell everyone I know how this works so nobody confesses and they can pass their polygraphs too.  Thanks for your help guys!