A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR PIOUS POLYGRAPHERS

[Anonymous]

A MODEST PROPOSAL FOR PIOUS POLYGRAPHERS

THE SON OF GOD, Jesus Christ, spake unto his disciples "...verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you...." (Matthew 17:20) and "...whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it." (John 14:13-14)

Therefore, Ye Polygraphers of Faith, before Ye undertake the psychophysiological Detection of Deception, pray ye a Prayer unto the Lord God ALMIGHTY that He may bless your Endeavours, and that your Opinions Rendered might always be TRUE. Ask this in the name of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ our Saviour, Amen.

In this way, Ye shall have Sure Knowledge that your Opinions will always be CORRECT and TRUE, even as the Witch Hunters of the Inquisition were secure in the Knowledge that Divine Intervention would surely spare the Innocent, and that only Witches would burn at the Stake.

And your Prayers shall have this added Benefit: if through some Lapse of Faith or Satanic Influence ye should render an opinion that is shewn to be NOT TRUE, ye shall be comforted in the Holy Wisdom that whatever Opinion ye rendered, 'twas the DIVINE WILL OF GOD and 'tis All for the Best, for verily, the Lord works in wond'rous and mysterious Ways.

--Anon (Known but to God)