serious question for the experts

[hypnomonkey]

Thanks for the replies to my last thread.  A little info about my current situation.  I currently work for a certain agency with a certain position of trust.  My agency has recently incorperated polygraph and cvsa in there anual employee screening.  Everyone  has to take these stupid tests to ensure they are still angelic little boys and girls, no one is excluded.  I have some minor drug use in my past, extacy being the strongest about 6 years ago. I bought and smoked a doobie about a month ago.  Both would be ground for immediate dissmisal.  I also bought a stolen bycicle 5 years ago wich also would be grounds for immediate dissmisal.  So basically, what i'm trying to say is, I have to lie my ass off to keep my job, and lose my six figure income, and probably my sound family life.  What would be the best course of action to take (telling the truth is not an option),  would it require a lot of training?  Some expert advice would be gratefully appreciated, and I dont want a lecture on how lying is morally wrong.
thanks guys...

[George W. Maschke]

Thanks for the replies to my last thread.  A little info about my current situation.  I currently work for a certain agency with a certain position of trust.  My agency has recently incorperated polygraph and cvsa in there anual employee screening.  Everyone  has to take these stupid tests to ensure they are still angelic little boys and girls, no one is excluded.  I have some minor drug use in my past, extacy being the strongest about 6 years ago. I bought and smoked a doobie about a month ago.  Both would be ground for immediate dissmisal.  I also bought a stolen bycicle 5 years ago wich also would be grounds for immediate dissmisal.  So basically, what i'm trying to say is, I have to lie my ass off to keep my job, and lose my six figure income, and probably my sound family life.  What would be the best course of action to take (telling the truth is not an option),  would it require a lot of training?  Some expert advice would be gratefully appreciated, and I dont want a lecture on how lying is morally wrong.
thanks guys...

You've come to the wrong place then. AntiPolygraph.org makes information about polygraph countermeasures freely available to the public in order to provide truthful persons with a means of protecting themselves against the serious risk of a false positive outcome. We have no interest in helping liars beat the system. I'm afraid you're on your own.

[hypnomonkey]

is it true pathological liars have no problem with the mickey mouse machine?

[polytechnic]

is it true pathological liars have no problem with the mickey mouse machine?

The term 'pathological liar' is a misnomer. There is no such thing.
Maybe you are referring to sociopaths....?
If so, they make for excellent subjects to be interrogated (with apparatus) and that is because they fear consequences and incarceration as much as so-called 'normal' folk.

[notguilty1]

yeah, yeah ahhh the "apparatus" Well, your "apparatus" continually fails. So much so that it's illegal to use in most applications where deception detection would be usefull if not vital.
Can you say Gary Ridgeway ( amongst others)

is it true pathological liars have no problem with the mickey mouse machine?

The term 'pathological liar' is a misnomer. There is no such thing.
Maybe you are referring to sociopaths....?
If so, they make for excellent subjects to be interrogated (with apparatus) and that is because they fear consequences and incarceration as much as so-called 'normal' folk.

[polytechnic]

NG,

You're preaching to the converted.
 

[notguilty1]

NG,

You're preaching to the converted.
 

Good!
But it can never be said enough