Recommendation

[glovertp]

My wife would like me to take a polygraph to prove faithfulness.  This is in reaction to me lying to her about looking at pornagraphy, being discovered, and subsequently confessing.  My first reaction the the lie detector test was very positive because I know that I've been faithful and would love to prove it to my wife who now doubts everything I say, especially about sexual matters.  I wanted to know more about these tests to determine the best way forward, but instead I discovered this (and many other) sites revealing the hidden truth about the pseudo-science of polygraphing.  Gary Smith's story about his own "marital fidelity" test was particularly shocking and relevant to me.

I am torn between taking the test, using CM to insure passing, and presenting this to my wife as proof, or presenting the case against polygraphs to convince her that I should not do it.  She and the counselors that she currently trusts more than anyone fully believe in and support the validity and effectiveness of polygraphs.

I predict that if I present this information to my wife, she will discount it as me trying to avoid the test.  To be honest and realistic, there is plenty of main-stream and popularly accepted 'supporting' material for someone (especially a non-analytical person) who wants to believe in polygraphs.  My wife tends to believe in 'mysterious' things like supernatural events and horoscopes, and the counselor she is seeing who recommended the polygraph (and has done so for others in similar situations) has proven to accept third-party psudo-science in other areas such as addiction research.  So, I expect a low likelihood of convincing either of them that polygraphs are not valid.  They will probably cite all of the typical arguments for polygraphs to include the wide use and 'acceptance' by the government and law enforcement communities.

The likely outcome of that route will be continued doubt and mistrust in me.  Taking the other route has it's own ethical consideration in that I would be 'using' a test I don't believe in to 'prove' my faithfulness.  That doesn't quite add up.  But the practical side of me sees it as a justifiable end using a means that is not criminal (it's just debateble depending on your perspective).  Finally, I don't know how much risk there is in still failing if I employ CM.  I wonder if I'm at more risk now because I'm definately feeling MORE anxiety now that I don't 'trust' the test.  So, I could use some insights.  Thanks.

[Sergeant1107]

If your wife doesn't trust you a polygraph is not going to solve anything.

You both need to go to a competent marriage counselor to work out your problems.