Domestic relations polygraph

[Broken]

Has anyone had an experience with this one?  I was being accused of an affair by my husband of 16 years.  I volunteered to take a polygraph (I begged him to get me one).  We found out that noone in our state gives them for this reason and had to travel to a neighboring state to find someone willing to do it.  The whole thing was so hokey.  My husband met with him one evening and the next morning, he took me to this hotel right across the state line.  The guy had travelled 3 hours from the northern part of his state to give me this polygraph and he was staying in this hotel.  I was confident that this would clear everything up so even though I was given no warning where I was going, I agreed.  First he told my husband to write him a check and leave.  So he did.    This guy hooked me up around the waist, around the upper arm and on my right index and middle fingers.  This machine beeped and the guy kept telling me to keep completely still while he asked me questions.  I answered completely truthfully.  Before I left, I watched as my husband slipped him a $50 bill as we were leaving.  I guess he called my husband the next day and told him that he detected deception in some areas-- the most important areas.  Well, needless to say, my husband does not believe me.  We are in the process of separation.  I thought a polygraph was the only way to prove the truth because I was very willing to tell nothing but the truth.  In fact, it has demolished my marriage.  I guess I should have done some research before I agreed to take the polygraph.  

[Skeptic]

Has anyone had an experience with this one?  I was being accused of an affair by my husband of 16 years.  I volunteered to take a polygraph (I begged him to get me one).  We found out that noone in our state gives them for this reason and had to travel to a neighboring state to find someone willing to do it.  The whole thing was so hokey.  My husband met with him one evening and the next morning, he took me to this hotel right across the state line.  The guy had travelled 3 hours from the northern part of his state to give me this polygraph and he was staying in this hotel.  I was confident that this would clear everything up so even though I was given no warning where I was going, I agreed.  First he told my husband to write him a check and leave.  So he did.    This guy hooked me up around the waist, around the upper arm and on my right index and middle fingers.  This machine beeped and the guy kept telling me to keep completely still while he asked me questions.  I answered completely truthfully.  Before I left, I watched as my husband slipped him a $50 bill as we were leaving.  I guess he called my husband the next day and told him that he detected deception in some areas-- the most important areas.  Well, needless to say, my husband does not believe me.  We are in the process of separation.  I thought a polygraph was the only way to prove the truth because I was very willing to tell nothing but the truth.  In fact, it has demolished my marriage.  I guess I should have done some research before I agreed to take the polygraph.  

Broken,
If it's any consolation, if your husband were so suspicious of you that he was willing to put your marriage on the line with a polygraph, then IMHO it was in a good bit of trouble before you were ever hooked up.  Do you think a "passing grade" on the polygraph would have led him to believe you?

If you still want him back, you could refer him to this site and others wherein the unreliability of polygraphs are discussed and documented.  It seems to me polygraphs would be especially unreliable in a situation in which your marriage depends upon the results of the "test".  And frankly, your story reminds me of the way some "doctors" used to perform back-alley abortions.  There's no way to determine whether the polygrapher was "credentialed" (even by polygraphers' standards), or was even giving you a "fair shake" (as best you could have with a polygraph).

Regardless, I wish you luck, and I empathise with you regarding your bad experience with the polygraph.  Please be assured that how you did on the "test" is no reflection on you.

Skeptic

[beech trees]

Broken,

First, my sympathies. No one should be forced to undergo the travesty of a polygraph examination as a means of defending their fidelity or love.

Second, if you have any hope of saving your relationship, may I suggest reading carefully The Lie Behind The Lie Detector, and also giving a copy to your husband? It's possible that your husband is-- like a vast number of people-- totally ignorant of the pseudoscientific fraud behind your polygraph interrogation and, when fully informed, will reconsider things.

Sincerely,

Dave

[DEPUTY BEAR]

Off the subject but...
Trust is a hard thing to rebuild. I doubt that things would have been any better had you passed the poly. There are deep issues that cause one to distrust. The poly was probably just the straw that broke the camels back. You still would have had to work out the other issues. And that could have been complete misery for you, he would have been in control of you the whole time because you would be on probation until he worked through his own issues and that isn't fair to you.

[Broken]

Deputy Bear,

Thank you very much for your reply.  You re absolutely right.  It has been misery.

 

[Catherine (Guest)]

  Your story is making cry. I did the same thing yesterday. I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend thought that I had cheated on him in the past. He wanted me to take the polygraph. I decided to do it because I love him, and he would not have stayed with me if I didn't do it. So I did it. I didn't want to do it because I knew that the test was not reliable, but it was the only way. The examiner was an ass. He tried to explain everything to me, and I told him that I was familiar with the process. When I said that the two metal straps that go around the fingers were for recording sweat activity, he denied it. He also told me that the machine records physiological functions in the body that cannot be altered or control by me. I told him about a psychology textbook that I had read that stated that people with hypertension were hooked up to the machine and successfully controled and lowered their blood pressure. He denied that the school textbook was true. After the examination I was told that I had failed. This made me burst into tears. I also cried during the pre-interview. Anyhow, after he told my boyfriend the results, I was asked to leave the room. During this time (as I was told by my boyfriend) the polygraph examiner had accused me of trying to flash him my breasts. In actuality I was reaching in my pirse on the floor for a tissue to wipe my tears away.

[marie]

Has anyone had an experience with this one?  I was being accused of an affair by my husband of 16 years.  I volunteered to take a polygraph (I begged him to get me one).  We found out that noone in our state gives them for this reason and had to travel to a neighboring state to find someone willing to do it.  The whole thing was so hokey.  My husband met with him one evening and the next morning, he took me to this hotel right across the state line.  The guy had travelled 3 hours from the northern part of his state to give me this polygraph and he was staying in this hotel.  I was confident that this would clear everything up so even though I was given no warning where I was going, I agreed.  First he told my husband to write him a check and leave.  So he did.    This guy hooked me up around the waist, around the upper arm and on my right index and middle fingers.  This machine beeped and the guy kept telling me to keep completely still while he asked me questions.  I answered completely truthfully.  Before I left, I watched as my husband slipped him a $50 bill as we were leaving.  I guess he called my husband the next day and told him that he detected deception in some areas-- the most important areas.  Well, needless to say, my husband does not believe me.  We are in the process of separation.  I thought a polygraph was the only way to prove the truth because I was very willing to tell nothing but the truth.  In fact, it has demolished my marriage.  I guess I should have done some research before I agreed to take the polygraph.  

I can relate to your story but in reverse. My husband told me for a year that he cheated. When I told someone about it he changed his story. We went for a polygraph test and he passed. Was it a true story or not? i'll never know for sure. I'm sure it depends on the examiner. If he feels sorry for you or not. It was a waste of time and money as far as I'm concerned because I wasn't even shown anything. He just drew a scale on the back of a scrap paper to show me the limit of inconclusiveness. Kind of a ripply's beleive it or not story. I didn't get a written report. Just his word.

[Seeker]

It is just in these types of situations - where infidelity is questioned - that I believe a polygraph examiner looses all credibility.  IMHO, an examiner who would even concent to perform such a polygraph is nothing more than a desperate person who is seeing the unemployment line sign flashing in neon in front of their faces.  

Simply disgusting behavior!

Regards,

[Broken]

Maybe that is why I could not find anyone in my own state to perform the polygraph for this purpose.  The polygrapher we found was in a neighboring state and he traveled over 4 hours to stay in a hotel that was still within his state, but close to the border so that it was within 1/2 hour of where I live.  That should have raised a red flag to me before I even went.  
I wish I would never have found him.

 :-/ :-/

[Anonymous]

Broken,

Although I have rarely found reason to consider a positive explanation for much of anything done by a polygrapher and reported by one such as yourself on this message board, it may well be that the polygrapher you saw was licensed to practice in his state and not yours.  If so, he may have simply been obeying state licensure laws but yet trying to convenience you by meeting you at a location close to your common state border.  This explanation for this particular action, of course, should in no way be considered an endorsement of the exam you were given nor viewed as concurring with the results obtained.

[michigan j frog]

My first polygraph examination ever occured two days ago when I took a similar examination, but it was geared more towards infidelity in the mind (sexual fantasies) rather than physical infidelity. My fiancee believes that any sexual fantasy about any woman other than her constitutes a pattern of sexual addiction. I communicated to her that I had a fantasy about a certain woman that I would never act on in a million years. She was certain that if I had such a fantasy then I must also have been accessing all kinds of sick pornography including child pornography. I denied the baseless accusations and agreed to take the polygraph because I was certain that I would pass. I also agreed to the polygraph because my fiancee got extremely angry when I initially told her that I didn't have to take it, and she threatened me with violence.

The polygrapher by all indications was an expert. He had many credentials (ie. PhD in psychophysiology and behavorial assessment), was trained both by the FBI and DOD, and he worked for years as an examiner for the LA Co. Sherrif's Dept. His bio also stated that he was a noted polygraph lecturer, trainer, and expert witness in worldwide demand with over 8500 examinations to his credit. Although he was also licensed to practice marriage/relationship counseling, he wasn't in this state. However, he informed my fiancee and I that it didn't limit him from making a recommendation for relationship counseling regardless of the outcome.

Despite my fiancee's threats and the resulting duress, I was very relaxed throughout my brief 25 - 30 min. pre-polygraph interview and was feeling confident. The examiner was very polite and seemed to be very sympathetic, like a therapist. However, it should be noted that although he initially seemed wanton to get both sides of the complete story, he spent well over an hour interviewing my fiancee which may have resulted in a less-than objective administration of the test. At the time, I felt it better not to mention her threat and the duress that I was under to the polygrapher because I wanted to appear as non-deceptive as possible. In hindsight, maybe I should have.

When it came time for me to get hooked up to the machine, relaxation turned to high anxiety. He tried to reassure me that there was no chance of getting falsely-detected as being deceptive because he would calibrate the polygraph machine to my level of anxiety. The problem is that level of anxiety during the calibration questions (ie. Is your name ****? Do you know how to drive?) was not as high than the anxiety for the actual test questions, although it felt that any increase was small. Is this done on purpose or what? Also, the test questions were all very timeframe specific, but I answered either yes or no without having to put too much thought into them and with the utmost confidence. My anxiety increased even more when he informed me that I wasn't sitting perfectly still after the first round of questioning. The second and third round of questioning were incredibly excruciating not because of having to answer all the questions again,  which I answered truthfully, but because I became overtly-conscientious of the slightest movement and was having a difficult time trying to keeping still.

Afterward, he spent a while taking notes. Then he gave me the shocking results. I had not only failed the test, which I was certain that I had passed, but the results of the test in his professional opinion proved that I was a sex addict who was in denial. In his words, the polygraph told him that if I didn't get help then I was "a ticking timebomb soon to committ sexual assault" and that I was in the advanced stages of sexual addiction. He never communicated to me that he could diagnose sexual addiction with a polygraph exam. I thought that we would be told either that I had passed or that I had failed and would then get referred to a relationship counselor. Needless to say, I felt is if I had been told that I was diagnosed with a terminal disease and had  only a short time to live. It was that devastating. I never knew that a polygraph could ever be used to make such a serious diagnosis.

The polygrapher made his professional recommendation to get immediate sexual addiction counseling and informed me that he had a list of referrals should I need help finding a suitable therapist. I don't seem to recall him making a recommendation for the both of us to seek relationship counseling. His professional opinion was that sexual addiction counseling solely for me would save the relationship.

FYI, this whole strange and nightmarish ordeal has opened my eyes wide, and I have decided to break-off the engagement and end the relationship once and for all. However, my fiancee is now on a mission to try and make any life without her as miserable as possible.

[Twoblock]

Mr. Frog

This polygrapher sounds like the same/or likened to another PHD (piled higher and deeper in this case) who has been asked to present his credentials. He never has.

These kind of polygraphers are so hung-up on sex themselves that they accuse their subjects as being the sex addicts that they are. They need therapy themselves to prevent them, and their toto"s, from following the yellow prick toad.

As to your girl friend threatening you with mayhem, just bitch slap her about five times and she will back off.

[Boston Blackie]

  WOW!! what great idea twoblock has. Perhaps he could write a book and explain exactly how to "bitch slap".  He could model it after the BLT or whatever George calls his book.
I am sure that George will help him. He could then write a sequel on how to "beat" the charges.  Before you know it he will be an expert in "bitch slapping" and have his own web site. Wish I had thought of it.

BB ( Interpret it  as Boston Blackie or Ball Buster)

[orolan]

Better yet, Boston Blackie, perhaps George and Twoblock should collaborate on a book called "How to Get a Life". And you could be their first customer.


BB ( Interpret it as Baked Beans or Blue Balls)

[Boston Blackie]

  Oh my goodness! I am simply devastated.  Did I say something wrong or offensive?  Mr. Orolan please don't be angry.  I didn't mean any harm, I was simply commenting on Mr.TwoBlocks inovative solution.  Please don't sic TwoBlock on me. I promise I will get a life, I learned my lesson.

BB(iterpret this as Boston Blackie or baffled & bewildered)