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A forum for free and open discussion of polygraph-related topics
Posted by Mr. Truth
- Apr 19, 2004, 11:06 PMJeez, I'm qualified to talk about both topics. Polygraph is a fraud. So it "says" you're truthful (it doesn't say that at all, but just for the sake of the argument) about having been with 20 (just to use a number) people in the past. Will "knowing" that your past has been verified make your husband feel any better? What is his magic cut off number, by the way? 14 guys in the past was okay, but 15 or more is grounds for divorce? And if the test "says" you're lying, you are totally screwed. There's no winning either way.
I was in your husband's shoes when I was a lot younger. My (now ex) wife's sexual history dwarfed mine (she was number two for me, and I was number 22 for her, and this is at age 21). It was the night the US won the Olympic gold medal in hockey. I asked her about her past because I wanted to know. She didn't want to say. I persisted. What a colossal blunder on both sides: I shouldn't have asked and she shouldn't have told me. All I could do is imagine her doing this and that, and knowing some of the people made it even worse. I gave her tremendous grief over her past. I wasn't mature enough to deal with that info (plus it fed into other things in my past). This topic was a constant sore for 10 years (the last several years it wasn't an issue so much, but a lot of the damage had already been done).
Your husband needs counseling, and needs it now if there is to be any hope of getting past this issue. It won't just go away by itself. Believe me, I know.
I was in your husband's shoes when I was a lot younger. My (now ex) wife's sexual history dwarfed mine (she was number two for me, and I was number 22 for her, and this is at age 21). It was the night the US won the Olympic gold medal in hockey. I asked her about her past because I wanted to know. She didn't want to say. I persisted. What a colossal blunder on both sides: I shouldn't have asked and she shouldn't have told me. All I could do is imagine her doing this and that, and knowing some of the people made it even worse. I gave her tremendous grief over her past. I wasn't mature enough to deal with that info (plus it fed into other things in my past). This topic was a constant sore for 10 years (the last several years it wasn't an issue so much, but a lot of the damage had already been done).
Your husband needs counseling, and needs it now if there is to be any hope of getting past this issue. It won't just go away by itself. Believe me, I know.
Posted by Kona
- Apr 19, 2004, 08:20 PMTimmy,
Concur with the above. You absolutely should not take a polygraph to appease your control freak husband. He is in serious need of counseling, and a polygraph will not end the badgering and abuse you will suffer as a result. If you flunk the poly, then you are a damn lier. If you pass, then something is wrong with the poly and he'll want you to submit to some other degrading test to verify that you are telling the truth. He will never be satisfied.
You need to make it crystal clear to him that you will not submit yourself to such humiliation, and that this harrassment must stop now. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect; isn't that how he promised to treat you on your wedding day?
Your past love life (prior to your marriage) is irrelevant now, as you have made a commitment to your husband. Hopefully he is mature enough to understand that, and with the proper counseling your marriage can move past this situation.
Good luck to you.
Kona
Concur with the above. You absolutely should not take a polygraph to appease your control freak husband. He is in serious need of counseling, and a polygraph will not end the badgering and abuse you will suffer as a result. If you flunk the poly, then you are a damn lier. If you pass, then something is wrong with the poly and he'll want you to submit to some other degrading test to verify that you are telling the truth. He will never be satisfied.
You need to make it crystal clear to him that you will not submit yourself to such humiliation, and that this harrassment must stop now. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect; isn't that how he promised to treat you on your wedding day?
Your past love life (prior to your marriage) is irrelevant now, as you have made a commitment to your husband. Hopefully he is mature enough to understand that, and with the proper counseling your marriage can move past this situation.
Good luck to you.
Kona
Posted by BlackJhack
- Apr 19, 2004, 07:59 PMTimmy1987,
DO NOT trust your marriage in the hands of a polygraph examiner. I am not going to give you advice on how to fix your marriage, but I am going to tell you that you must absolutely NOT take a plolygraph. The polygraph is not accurate, so therfore you cannot put your trust in it. Even if you go in and plan to tell 100% of the truth, there is a exceedingly great possibility that you will be deemed a liar. That is what polygraphs do, they brand honest people liars and ruin lives. Please DO NOT engage is this voodoo non-science.
DO NOT trust your marriage in the hands of a polygraph examiner. I am not going to give you advice on how to fix your marriage, but I am going to tell you that you must absolutely NOT take a plolygraph. The polygraph is not accurate, so therfore you cannot put your trust in it. Even if you go in and plan to tell 100% of the truth, there is a exceedingly great possibility that you will be deemed a liar. That is what polygraphs do, they brand honest people liars and ruin lives. Please DO NOT engage is this voodoo non-science.
Posted by Anonymous
- Apr 19, 2004, 07:30 PMtimmy1987,
I agree with the previous poster - the polygraph (regardless of the outcome) will not solve your problems. Chances are, even if a polygraph "verified" your claims your husband will research the polygraph, find that it is not accurate, and will then seek out another method of investigation/interrogation/abuse.
I must admit that I can relate to your husband - in past relationships I have had problems dealing with sexual pasts. In my opinion, it really is an issue of maturity. I have since reached a point in which it just isn't an issue (okay, there are some things that I'm not willing to accept). Rather than battling to prove to your husband that what you say is true, you need to encourage your husband to seek help. This problem is his, not yours. After six years and a child, time to move on. His issues, in my opinion, don't have as much to do with your sexual past as they do with his need to control. I hope you can solve this problem in a manner that suits both of you but I absolutely encourage one thing - under no circumstances should you sit and engage in a question/answer session with your husband regarding your past. This will only make things worse. If this is already going on it has to stop. Answering his questions will only perpetuate the problem and drive both of you crazier. Good luck.
Lastly, DO NOT take a polygraph. That is ridiculous and, frankly, I'd be quite offended if my significant other asked me to be the subject of a polygraph. That's bullshit.
I agree with the previous poster - the polygraph (regardless of the outcome) will not solve your problems. Chances are, even if a polygraph "verified" your claims your husband will research the polygraph, find that it is not accurate, and will then seek out another method of investigation/interrogation/abuse.
I must admit that I can relate to your husband - in past relationships I have had problems dealing with sexual pasts. In my opinion, it really is an issue of maturity. I have since reached a point in which it just isn't an issue (okay, there are some things that I'm not willing to accept). Rather than battling to prove to your husband that what you say is true, you need to encourage your husband to seek help. This problem is his, not yours. After six years and a child, time to move on. His issues, in my opinion, don't have as much to do with your sexual past as they do with his need to control. I hope you can solve this problem in a manner that suits both of you but I absolutely encourage one thing - under no circumstances should you sit and engage in a question/answer session with your husband regarding your past. This will only make things worse. If this is already going on it has to stop. Answering his questions will only perpetuate the problem and drive both of you crazier. Good luck.
Lastly, DO NOT take a polygraph. That is ridiculous and, frankly, I'd be quite offended if my significant other asked me to be the subject of a polygraph. That's bullshit.
Posted by Bill Crider
- Apr 19, 2004, 04:03 PMits none of his damn business what you did before you met. if he was that hung up about it, he shoulda figured it out before you got married. thats not really a polygraph answer but if you insist on what seems like a really silly course of action i can tell you this.
I took an employment polygraph once. i have never taken an illegal drug in my life. my test was "inconclusive" on this question. my impression of the poly is that it is mostly useful to get guilty people into a frame of mind to admit stuff. other people will tell you that they were accused of deception and claim innocence. others will tell you they were guilty and passed. Spin the roulette wheel if you want, but it seems you have deeper issues than what a polygraph will or wont solve.
I took an employment polygraph once. i have never taken an illegal drug in my life. my test was "inconclusive" on this question. my impression of the poly is that it is mostly useful to get guilty people into a frame of mind to admit stuff. other people will tell you that they were accused of deception and claim innocence. others will tell you they were guilty and passed. Spin the roulette wheel if you want, but it seems you have deeper issues than what a polygraph will or wont solve.
Posted by timmy1987
- Apr 19, 2004, 03:39 PMMy husband and I have been together for 6 years now. He has been questioning my past sexual history since he found out that I dated a lot before we met. Now, after years of marriage and a daughter together he questions me, his wife, once again about my past. Apparently it has been eating him up inside "not knowing the truth" about the number of men I had been with before him. He still thinks that I am lying to him and has told me that he will not move on or trust me until I take a polygraph test. I am more then willing to do this but I am so fearful of the test giving me false results and destroying my marriage. If I go in and am totally honest will I still risk the change of the test coming out false? Should I use countermeasures to insure a truthful outcome?