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Posted by Voice of Reason
- Nov 16, 2018, 03:14 PMQuoteAfter months of therapy, and a meticulous reconstruction of my activities and whereabouts for the times in question (from text records, call records, and GPS tags on photos) she has finally come around to start trusting me again.Mr. Vito, if I may be so bold, your problem is not the polygraph, but rather that you allowed your wife to put your testicles in a jar somewhere. If she continues with these false allegations, reattach them and find yourself a nice young squeeze.
Posted by Dan Vigo
- Nov 15, 2018, 11:14 AM@ tessalonia
I feel like you and I have gone through an extremely similar experience. I have kids, I have a happy life, I love my wife, and I have always been 100% faithful. My wife has experienced the pain of her father's infidelity negatively impacting her family life growing up, and she has always had serious trust issues. When she accused me of cheating I was supportive at first, but eventually I became frustrated and indignant about her disgusting allegations. During a particularly bad fight I looked up a polygraph company and booked it on the spot for the very next day.
Side note: Please remember that most people are unaware of the fallibility of these tests if they have no previous exposure to them. If you are reading this, you are not "most people." Obviously I would never have suggested this had I known what I know now. Please do not call me stupid, and don't you dare call tessalonia stupid. We are at worst, victims of being too naive, and overly trusting of what appears to be a legitimate procedure. I can personally attest that anyone going through this, is going through hell. Turning your back on them while they are looking for support is cruel.
The next day felt exactly like tessalonia described it. I was happy, confident, and relieved that we finally came up with a way to shut down these accusations once and for all. My Wife was happy too and was already starting to apologize for what she too expected to be a test that exonerated me from any wrongdoing.
I am sick to my stomach just thinking about that moment when we got the results. It was the single worst moment of my life. I felt like I was in an episode of the twilight zone. I screamed and cried and begged my wife to believe me, but she turned on me so hard. My soul mate, the one person I truly let all the way into my heart was tearing me apart from the inside with her words, and even got to the point of becoming physically abusive towards me. But the worst part of it all was that I was literally witnessing the person I love more than anything having to experience the pain of being cheated on. I promised I would never let her feel that pain for the rest of her life. While I've always remained vigilantly faithful, somehow I had failed this horrible test, and by doing so I had effectively broken my promise to her.
After months of therapy, and a meticulous reconstruction of my activities and whereabouts for the times in question (from text records, call records, and GPS tags on photos) she has finally come around to start trusting me again. I also had to say that the way the test was conducted made me nervous, and that explains the false positive. That is true of course, but she still is holding on hope that a slight variation of the test would rule out this issue, allowing me to pass the polygraph test after all. When she brings it up I get uncomfortable to a level that I can only describe as PTSD. I have tried to delicately explain this to her but it, "just sounds like something a guilty person would say." While that may be true, it completely undermines my particular situation.
The bottom line is that whenever she has a nervous feeling about me cheating, or ever having cheated in the past for that matter, this horrible polygraph test experience comes up. If I tell her how much her accusations hurt me, she points to the Polygraph Test, "Can you blame me for being suspicious now?" When I try to talk about how traumatic that experience was, and how much it hurts for her to even bring it up, she talks about how much she was hurt by the experience too. Either way you look at it, it's all my fault, and she is slowly but surely painting me into a box where the only "escape" would be submitting to another polygraph test.
To tessalonia: You are not crazy and you are not stupid. I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope that things have gotten better since your post in June. If you ever see this please know that you are not alone. The polygraph test ruins people's lives, and it's about time more people hear our stories, and stop putting their faith in these horrible inaccurate tests. Hang in there.
I feel like you and I have gone through an extremely similar experience. I have kids, I have a happy life, I love my wife, and I have always been 100% faithful. My wife has experienced the pain of her father's infidelity negatively impacting her family life growing up, and she has always had serious trust issues. When she accused me of cheating I was supportive at first, but eventually I became frustrated and indignant about her disgusting allegations. During a particularly bad fight I looked up a polygraph company and booked it on the spot for the very next day.
Side note: Please remember that most people are unaware of the fallibility of these tests if they have no previous exposure to them. If you are reading this, you are not "most people." Obviously I would never have suggested this had I known what I know now. Please do not call me stupid, and don't you dare call tessalonia stupid. We are at worst, victims of being too naive, and overly trusting of what appears to be a legitimate procedure. I can personally attest that anyone going through this, is going through hell. Turning your back on them while they are looking for support is cruel.
The next day felt exactly like tessalonia described it. I was happy, confident, and relieved that we finally came up with a way to shut down these accusations once and for all. My Wife was happy too and was already starting to apologize for what she too expected to be a test that exonerated me from any wrongdoing.
I am sick to my stomach just thinking about that moment when we got the results. It was the single worst moment of my life. I felt like I was in an episode of the twilight zone. I screamed and cried and begged my wife to believe me, but she turned on me so hard. My soul mate, the one person I truly let all the way into my heart was tearing me apart from the inside with her words, and even got to the point of becoming physically abusive towards me. But the worst part of it all was that I was literally witnessing the person I love more than anything having to experience the pain of being cheated on. I promised I would never let her feel that pain for the rest of her life. While I've always remained vigilantly faithful, somehow I had failed this horrible test, and by doing so I had effectively broken my promise to her.
After months of therapy, and a meticulous reconstruction of my activities and whereabouts for the times in question (from text records, call records, and GPS tags on photos) she has finally come around to start trusting me again. I also had to say that the way the test was conducted made me nervous, and that explains the false positive. That is true of course, but she still is holding on hope that a slight variation of the test would rule out this issue, allowing me to pass the polygraph test after all. When she brings it up I get uncomfortable to a level that I can only describe as PTSD. I have tried to delicately explain this to her but it, "just sounds like something a guilty person would say." While that may be true, it completely undermines my particular situation.
The bottom line is that whenever she has a nervous feeling about me cheating, or ever having cheated in the past for that matter, this horrible polygraph test experience comes up. If I tell her how much her accusations hurt me, she points to the Polygraph Test, "Can you blame me for being suspicious now?" When I try to talk about how traumatic that experience was, and how much it hurts for her to even bring it up, she talks about how much she was hurt by the experience too. Either way you look at it, it's all my fault, and she is slowly but surely painting me into a box where the only "escape" would be submitting to another polygraph test.
To tessalonia: You are not crazy and you are not stupid. I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope that things have gotten better since your post in June. If you ever see this please know that you are not alone. The polygraph test ruins people's lives, and it's about time more people hear our stories, and stop putting their faith in these horrible inaccurate tests. Hang in there.
Posted by tessalonia
- Jun 12, 2018, 08:37 AMI am sorry that I am seen that way by you. I have read other messages of encouragement that you have offered to others. I suppose I am stupid. I would say ignorant. My whole life is completely being ripped apart and I just needed some help. I chatted a little first and was given several pieces of good information that did me absolutely no good because my husband is insisting I take another test. He will not look at any information or even agree to look on his own. I am probably going to end up divorced. It's not right and it's not fair and I have two children who I have to watch go through this and I just don't think I can handle it. You don't know me and - obviously - there is no way to verify my honesty, but I am a good person. I love my husband and my family. I feel like I may not live through this. Yes I am stupid, but no I am not a troll. I apologize for being stupid. I would give anything to go back, but I can't. I apologize if you feel I have wasted your time. I'm sorry. I just needed some help. Please - anyone - please at least know that help and answers are all I came here for.
Posted by Aunty Agony
- Jun 12, 2018, 12:30 AMAunty calls "troll". Nobody could be this goddamn stupid.
Posted by tessalonia
- Jun 09, 2018, 01:02 PMI feel like I have read my story here on this forum and the stories helped me and so I am going to tell mine in the hope that it will help or at least offer solidarity. I took a polygraph yesterday. My husband has reasons from his past that make him distrustful, but no reasons to distrust me. However, he told me that he saw me looking into the yard of our neighbor when - I guess - he was out there and that is when his suspicion started. Full disclosure - I do not know the neighbor and neither does my husband and we live in a rural area and this neighbor has cute baby goats and chickens and a pig, but this was around the time the new baby goats were born...I don't really know because I always look at the goats. Please understand that my husband is not a bad person. He is 98% of the time a wonderful husband (helpful and loving and attentive and my best friend) and always a wonderful father to our two boys aged 8 and 3. We have been married for 9 years and I have never been unfaithful. I have never been unfaithful to anyone I have had a relationship with. This is both of our first and only marriage. My only complaint about my marriage is the occasional distrust for no reason other than his own demons. I am the one who offered to take the polygraph. I looked up the information, gave info to my husband to check it out, and happily went to take the test thinking it would solve all our distrust problems forever. He even said I did not have to take the test, but I insisted. I went in confidently and excited and so did he. He was already starting to plan on how to make all this up to me. I thought yesterday was going to be one of the best days of my life.
The examiner went over the questions and asked for a name because he said I was likely to have a stronger reaction. My husband does not know the neighbor's name so he gave the name of a friend of his that he thinks knows our neighbor. I have met his friend 3 times - all with my husband. Anyway, my husband kissed me and said he'd see me soon and I took the test and thought I knocked it out of the park. I thought "All I have to do is tell the truth!" When I finished, my husband came back in and we paid the tester and then he asked us to stand behind him and look at the computer screen. At first my husband's arm was around me - we both knew it would completely clear me. He showed us the three relevant questions and the lines were everywhere and he explained that's because I was being dishonest on those questions. The tester did not give us a copy of the test or explain things very well. He seemed to be in a hurry, but he said I got a negative 7 and I failed. I was in shock. I followed my husband out and he asked me for a divorce. We had to ride together. I told him the test was wrong, but he was so angry he wouldn't listen. I found this site last night as well as other stories that sounded just like mine. My husband is at work now, but I am going to attempt to show him this information. I know he loves me and wants to believe me - he even said so when he calmed down and said he would give me a week to figure out why the test was wrong (at the time I thought maybe it had to do with my only having one kidney or having growths on my thyroid or because I was menstruating - I did not know - I thought they were accurate like the examiner told us they were) and then he wants me to take another test. I have read and seen enough now to know that would be a bad decision. I hope that he will see the truth and that somehow we can get through this, but I am so scared right now I can barely breathe. I am 44 and I am an honest person. I thought this was the thing to rid our relationship of doubt and instead it's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. Please send any positive thoughts and hope my way if you will and any other information that might help as well. Thank you for your time and If there is anything I can do to help in this movement, count me in. I love my husband. Please let this somehow be ok.
The examiner went over the questions and asked for a name because he said I was likely to have a stronger reaction. My husband does not know the neighbor's name so he gave the name of a friend of his that he thinks knows our neighbor. I have met his friend 3 times - all with my husband. Anyway, my husband kissed me and said he'd see me soon and I took the test and thought I knocked it out of the park. I thought "All I have to do is tell the truth!" When I finished, my husband came back in and we paid the tester and then he asked us to stand behind him and look at the computer screen. At first my husband's arm was around me - we both knew it would completely clear me. He showed us the three relevant questions and the lines were everywhere and he explained that's because I was being dishonest on those questions. The tester did not give us a copy of the test or explain things very well. He seemed to be in a hurry, but he said I got a negative 7 and I failed. I was in shock. I followed my husband out and he asked me for a divorce. We had to ride together. I told him the test was wrong, but he was so angry he wouldn't listen. I found this site last night as well as other stories that sounded just like mine. My husband is at work now, but I am going to attempt to show him this information. I know he loves me and wants to believe me - he even said so when he calmed down and said he would give me a week to figure out why the test was wrong (at the time I thought maybe it had to do with my only having one kidney or having growths on my thyroid or because I was menstruating - I did not know - I thought they were accurate like the examiner told us they were) and then he wants me to take another test. I have read and seen enough now to know that would be a bad decision. I hope that he will see the truth and that somehow we can get through this, but I am so scared right now I can barely breathe. I am 44 and I am an honest person. I thought this was the thing to rid our relationship of doubt and instead it's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. Please send any positive thoughts and hope my way if you will and any other information that might help as well. Thank you for your time and If there is anything I can do to help in this movement, count me in. I love my husband. Please let this somehow be ok.