Normal Topic innocent anxious father to take test (Read 4979 times)
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innocent anxious father to take test
Feb 11th, 2006 at 11:42pm
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My husband has been accused of molesting our daughter. He is a very nervous person and does see a doctor for his anxiety. I told the CPS to test him because I believed that the tests were infallible. He volunteered to prove his innocense. The only thing is that over the last couple days he is a nervous wreck- but any man would be after being falsely accused. He is afraid that the tester might say he is guilty because of his nervousness. I told him the testers are trained to know the difference between a lie and being scared. After reading this site though, maybe I should have never told them to test him. I can't tell him that apparently the test is a science lie, it would make things worse for him. The caseworker asked if my teenage daughter(the accuser) could be tested too and I agreed whole heartedly. Did I sign my families death certificate? ???
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #1 - Feb 12th, 2006 at 12:38am
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Iradar1

You made a big mistake. Polygraphers cannot distinguish between anxiety, anger, etc., and lies and they are lieing if they say they can. Either will raise BP and heart rate and can cause sweating (what the machine registers) more than telling a lie. I have read this on this and other websites and publications of University professors.

Sex crimes brings on a guilty until proven innocent mentality. I am guilty of this mindset myself and it takes a while to start thinking straight. I hope he is innocent. But lady, if he is guilty, I would love to be on the jury.

If your daughter is 16 or older, in some states anyway, it's a she said - he said situation and there has to be some hard evidence. If she's in her early teens, I can tell you now that most juries will believe her testimony over his whether she is lieing or not.

If it's not to late, you should cancel the test. The polygraph is NO lie detector. If the machine shows he is telling the truth, the operator will probably tell him he failed and try to badger a confession out of him.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #2 - Feb 12th, 2006 at 1:33am
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He is innocent. My 13 year old daughter has been persuaded by her 17 year old boyfriend. We was breaking up their relationship and since they was in love they thought they could be together if they got rid of us. She thought that the state would let her live with his parents.
Now, the mother is proving herself to be a stupid person because she is harassing the sherrifs department saying that something is wrong with my daughter because the household she resides in won't allow her to talk to my daughter.
As for being on the jury, I would want to too if he did it. I would be the first person to strangle the life from him if he touched my daughter.
I don't know if I can get out of the tests or not. I have to say I like the idea of the tester scaring the truth out of her. The question in my mind is that when it is proved to be a false claim, how does my family pick up the peices and get back to living?
There is family members from both mine and my husbands family that is forbidding my daughter from going back to their house. Holidays will never be the same, but I don't care. I want my daughter back.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #3 - Feb 12th, 2006 at 2:46am
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1radar1,

Do not allow your huband or your daughter to be subjected to this so-called testing procedure. A polygraph is not reliable enough to determine your husband's guilt or innocence. If you love your daughter as you say you do, why on earth would you want to  subject her to the type of treatment she may receive during a polygraph? Suppose for one second that she's telling the truth? Can you possibly imagine what that might do to her? It's a lose-lose situation. Even though you've already signed the papers, it's in everyone's best interests that you back out. The test could falsely implicate him or clear him if she's telling the truth. Tell CPS to their jobs and investigate the situation to get to the bottom of it. If her boyfriend has indeed put her up to the whole thing, an investigation will reveal it. Without making any judgements, you might want to think twice before letting your 13 year-old daughter date a 17 year- old boy. Sounds like she needs some parental protection from you.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #4 - Feb 12th, 2006 at 4:44am
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My daughter doesn't need protection from me. The reason why I said about letting her get scared is that I think that is what it will take. I didn't mean for her to be badgered. Just that if they would lead her to think that the test is going to tell the truth about what she says, then maybe she would tell the truth before they even hooked her up. It is a lie shes telling. There is too many of her lies that she is tripping over. She lied on two people saying they told her something, then when the two people (adults that isn't involved) didn't know what she was talking about she tried to coerce them into believing that they did say it. I am wanting to get her psychiatric help because I am worried that she might be a little ill. Never thought I would wonder that about my own kid.
I didn't know the boys age when she started to go with him. In fact, I didn't know when she was going with him because she lied about having a boyfreind.
I ain't perfect. I tried to be the best parent I could be. I was led to believe that if I was too strict a parent that she would rebel badly. She rebelled anyway.
I always tried to be the perfect parent. A friend. I didn't understand as much as I should have about parents not being a freind. I know I have made some mistakes, but I did them in the best intentions. If I get my daughter back, I am wanting to go to parenting classes. I always thought those classes was for people that didn't know how to be a parent. But maybe I need them too. I don't know. All I know is that I am more than willing to work with others to be better than I am.
When a person makes mistakes, many times the person can't undo them. But I pray that I will be allowed to try and allowed to show that I will not make the same mistakes.
When I wanted to press charges against her boyfriend for having sex with my daughter, I was told that I couldn't do anything because he was underage. I have been doing some research and I confronted the police with the fact that it is against the law because of the age difference. They still won't do anything.
If I get her back there will be some changes, like no boyfriends that aren't her exact age, no boyfriends until she is 16 or 17, no going 'out' with friends unless I am there, things like that.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #5 - Feb 12th, 2006 at 7:16am
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Iradar1

Tell CPS you are having second thoughts because you have researched polygraph, especially this website, and you are not willing to subject your family's future to a 50/50 guess. That's all it is. Tell them, also, to search this site and find out for themselves.

If your daughter is unstable, a good investigator can break her without the polygraph. If I was investigating this case, I would concentrate on the boyfriend. He is where the idea came from.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #6 - Feb 13th, 2006 at 12:29am
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You have made a grave mistake on several counts--

#1--An "innocent" outcome of the polygraph will NOT prove your DH's innocence, and neither will the opposite prove that he is guilty

#2--The "results" will not prove anything to CPS or anyone else, since most courts, organizations, or anyone worth their salt realize the test is a joke

#3--The test CANNOT "see" through guilt, as polygraphers claim.  A seriously nervous or guilt-wracked person will look just the same as a liar on the test

#4--You could easily ruin your relationship with BOTH your husband and daughter through this.  Example:  the test "proves" your husband's guilt, but you decide it is wrong.  Yet lingering doubts remain in your mind forever because of the test.

#5--The truth about all human relationships is that ultimately, they are based on trust--whether it's between husband and wife, employer and employee or anyone else.  No "machine" or "highly trained" (*SNORT!!* please research how much "training" is required to be a polygrapher) can ever read a person's mind.  It always comes down to trust in the end.

#6--What your daighter needs is COUNSELING, not a polygraph.  A good counselor will see right thought this BS and HELP her (instead of hurt her, like a polygrapher would do.)

***********************
All that said, you need to investigate fully your OWN reasons for agreeing in the first place to having him tested.  Do you have suspicions about his guit hidden somewhere deep, down inside you?  Most wives of men who perpetrate incest never want to admit it.  What YOU know and have observed about these two people is FAAAAR more valuable than any psuedo-science test.

He very well may be innocent, but search your soul, and DONT let either of them take a polygraph.  It's a dangerous joke for EITHER a liar or an innocent person.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #7 - Feb 13th, 2006 at 2:36am
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I don't have the slightest doubt in my mind. He didn't do it. I honestly thought it was the best thing I could have done to prove his innocence. It is hard to prove innocence. It would be easy to prove guilt but much harder to prove innocence. I will be getting her a consouller no matter what. I just found out minutes ago that she had said previously she wanted to live with certain people because she was tired of being poor. We are poor but love isn't bought with money. It hurts me so much to think that my daughter would be happy at home if I had a six figure income. Cry
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #8 - Feb 14th, 2006 at 4:06am
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1radar1,

My parental protection comment was a reference to the fact that your 13-year-old daughter is dating a 17-year-old boy. Way too much of an age difference and look at the mess it's caused. Nothing good could come from such a relationship as your daughter is a child and her boyfriend is almost an adult. You're on the right track when it comes to not worrying about being a friend to your daughter. She doesn't need a friend in you--she needs a parent whom she can respect, but who also respects her. All children thrive with structure and boundaries. Definitely look into the parenting classes. EVERY parent could benefit from them as there's always something to learn. Also, family as well as individual counseling are likely to be beneficial. You sound like a good parent who's just trying to do the right thing by her family. I can assure you the answers you seek will not be found in the polygraph. Good luck to you. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for your daughter and your husband. Say no to the polygraph on both counts.
« Last Edit: Feb 14th, 2006 at 5:07am by polyfool »  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #9 - Feb 14th, 2006 at 8:15pm
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1Radar1

You should ask how many people in here giving you all this free advise are  investigators and or polygraph examiners.  You need to listen to a real attorney and not the armchair type.
  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #10 - Feb 16th, 2006 at 3:44am
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I would NOT volunteer for a polygraph. I agree with Retcopper and get a good lawyer who knows child protection laws in the state.

  
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Re: innocent anxious father to take test
Reply #11 - Feb 16th, 2006 at 4:35am
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Hey,
Thought everyone might be interested to hear this. I overheard the caseworker talking to the therapist that seen my child today. She distinctly said that it didn't matter what the results of the test was. She was only hoping to get a confession through the ordeal!
I told my husband he should cancel the test because if that is all they want then he shouldn't subject himself to being badgered. He says he will let the attorney cancel for him, when we get the thousands of dollars to pay for one.
A couple days ago we went to child services to provide some papers. While we was there, they had us wait for a few minutes, saying the caseworker was busy but wanted to see us. When she came to the lobby she told me to wait because she only wanted to see him. She took him back and a cop was waiting. He was tricked into a interrogation. He didn't want to talk to them without an attorney and the caseworker knew this.

Some fair system, right? Lips Sealed
  
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