Thank you for your comments. If I have not clarified previously, I would like to emphasize that I am not the one that made the initial sexual abuse report. It was made by a dr. due to my daughter's assertions of abuse during the exam. She received an internal swab exam for the first time and the dr. asked her if she had ever had anything put in her like that before and she said, "Yes, my Daddy's fingers." For those that are suspicious, trust me, the last thing I ever wanted to believe was that my estranged husband was capable of such a thing. There is plenmty of evidence from her therapy, prior too her outcry, and afterwards that acts as supporting evidence to her claim. In addition to this fact, her father has received training through the military on how to handle interrogations. Also, I must add that I do understand that the police have to be able to have adequate evidence. So I must tell you that we were int he state where the crime occurred and I talked with the detective working my daughter's case. I offered to have her interview my daughter (whom she had never met or talked to) and she declined. They insinuated that the taped interview was leading, which was prepostrous. I watched the tape and the interviewer asked her first thing if she knew why she was there to talk with them and she said, "Because my daddy did things to hurt me." However, I requested that they do another forensic nterview while we were in the state, but the detective (who must request it for it to be done) refused to do this. So, you tell me if they honestly are looking for evidence or if they have made up their minds without really looking for it. If they wanted to they could have requested her medical records, where they would have seen that she was taken in for numerous drs. appts for unexplained itching and redness. She was never determined to have a yeast infection or a UTI, etc. I just missed the signs at the time as to what was happening to her. The problem is that the police are basing the validity of this case solely on the results of a polygraph. I fully understand that my husband can be a charming, convincing, seemingly wonderful guy. After all, I married him. Do they honestly think I would have married someone I thought was capable of violent and disturbing behavior??? It is extremely frustrating. Through my search for information on this subject I have found that most states are now relying on polygraph tests to monitor convicted sex offenders on parole. How scary is that?? I find people's attitude towards the victims of domestic violence very frustrating. You are often put into a position of having to defend yourself. The "why didn't you leave?" or "why didn't you report it?" and then the "Did you document the dates when the abuse occurred?" So, the answer to #1 is we were afraid to leave. Statistically, most women that are killed due to domestic violence are not killed while they are living with the abuser. Most of them are killed after they have separated from the abuser and tried to free themselves from the abuse they suffered. #2 We don't report for many reasons, but primary it is because of a sense of love and loyalty towards our abuser. Like the Nazis did to the POWs, it is very hard when an abuser isn't torturing you 24/7. A lot of the time he can be such a charming and wonderful person. During the "honeymoon phase" he is the ideal man...the man you married. #3 We don't document because we do not want to believe it will happen again. Each episode is going to be the last time. Why would you want to keep a record of the worst moments in your life. You would rather forget about them and let yourself believe that it is not going to happen again. But then again you have the problem of people believing him when you do come forward with the truth of the abuse adn treating you like a vindictive ex trying to taint this wonderful man's reputation (because again most abusers statistically do not show abusive behavior outside the home). As to sexual abuse, if I had discovered it while residing with him in the home, people would have interrogated me as to why I didn't see it sooner and surely I must have known something. Then I am in the predicament since I did see that this man was unhealthy for my children and myself to be around and fled, but did not find out about the sexual abuse until after we had been far away for a long enough period of time for my child to feel safe...the validity of the truth is questioned because we are separated. Therefore, since we are separated then it must be that I put my daughter up to the allegations to try to exact revenge on my ex. It is a no win situation.
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