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Hello all,
I got my conditional offer from a certain Three Letter Organization close to a year ago and as someone struggling to get into my dream career for years now, I couldn't have been happier to hear the news! Filled out all the forms, then proceeded to wait a few months. After a while, I was then proceeded to deal with even more government people calling me over and over to confirm details of my past employment and the friends I put down as contacts. Annoying, but not bad. Once all that was done, it was finally time to move on to the polygraph and psychological exam. I was given the ability to schedule both online at the same time and was told to make sure to schedule them as close as possible, ideally on the same day. That wasn't a possibility, so I scheduled the poly first, then the psych a couple days later.
I was counting down the days to the polygraph, so excited to be one step closer to my ideal career I've worked hard towards. I actually was aware of this Anti Polygraph site, but I didn't look at it at all because I was 100% trusting of the official documentation saying "online sites have it completely wrong" and didn't want this website's "lies" poisoning my brain (I feel so stupid in hindsight). I head to the location where I met with the person who would be conducting the polygraph for me. He was a very nice gentleman and we exchanged pleasantries on our way to the room. Once there, he did the usual. He explained how the machine would be connected to my body and how I should not try to feign calmness; he said that it's perfectly normal to be super nervous in my position and to let those feelings fly as well as saying I can just tell the truth and if I'm not guilty, I would be able to pass easily. Starting off, he started with questions he claimed were for "calibrating" the device. He would ask if it were different days of the week, "Is it Sunday? Is it Monday? Is it Tuesday?", and asked me to reply "No" every time, saying that the machine would produce a different result when I said no to what day it actually was. After that, he mentioned there would be no tricks played during the polygraph and proceeded to explain the different questions he would ask. These were some pretty serious things such as if I knew any people in foreign governments or if I've committed any crimes that would have me in cuffs and serving jail time, which I have never done. Moment of truth comes. He announces the test is starting, inflates my cuff, and proceeds to ask questions, just as promised. I answer truthfully to all questions, including the control questions "Is this Saturday?" "Are we in New York right now?" (answer is no). We take a few short breaks, but this goes on for several minutes. He then says he has to check on something and leaves me alone in the room, just asking me not to go behind his desk. I comply, feeling pretty good. I was happy to not have that cuff squeezing on my forearm and I had complete and total faith that since I told nothing but the truth, I'd come back to see him smiling, announcing I passed with flying colors, getting a firm handshake, and then I could go home, splurge on a big victory dinner, and go to sleep happy.
He comes back and I couldn't have been more wrong. He has a very stern look on his face and lets me know that my results were inconclusive and it was obvious I was consistently lying during parts of the test, most specifically with questions regarding drug use. Naturally, I'm completely shocked. I did everything I was told, I should have passed!!!!!!!! He proceeds to interrogate me for what feels like an hour. He asks me what I was thinking about during the test, to which I truthfully respond "I was only focusing on your questions and providing my honest answers", to which he very rudely says is impossible and that nobody really "just focuses on the questions". He continues to insist I'm a drug addict and obviously lying about my past usage of drugs. I continually fight him on this, truthfully insisting I have never touched any illegal drugs or abused substances unless you want to count me pouring a little too much Tylenol cough syrup on accident. He continues pressing me on this point and eventually calms down a bit once he figures I won't budge on this point. In a more neutral, understanding voice, he tells me a story of a previous applicant who was just like me. This person sat in the chair, got an inconclusive result, and was also badgered by the polygraph operator. Turns out he was feeling guilty about cheating on his long term wife with another woman. Once he announced that, he was in a better state of mind, was able to retest, and passed. He then asks me if there's anything on my mind that would be similar to that. I'm single, so I let him know that wouldn't really apply to me. He then just asks me "What's the worst thing you've ever done?", to which I reply with some things I've done long ago in the past. I stole money from my parents and pirated software and music/movies (only for personal use, never to sell), all of this done when I was a young teenager and that I haven't done since. He takes notes on this and asks for more details, such as the dollar amount of software I downloaded and the years that I was actively pirating. I let him know this was a long time ago and I have no idea on the specific details he wanted. He then just says to estimate, to which I comply to my best ability. Then he asks if I watch pornography. Having already spilled my soul out to this man, I emphatically answer yes, then proceed to give a long a storied history about my porn usage and preferences. Some of it is "abnormal", but nothing is illegal. Some of it was even shown to me by friends I'm not too close to and didn't want to bother with. Looking somewhat content with what he's made me confess, he pulls out a tape recorder, repeats my confessions, and asks me to confirm what he says is correct. I comply. He then leads me out of the room towards the entrance of the building and tells me to have a good day. I thank him, but I do anything but. I just go home, very mentally drained, and pass out in bed.
I was horrified about doing my psychological exam after the hell I endured with the poly, but to keep this post short, it was so much easier. There was a computer test and some written components, then I spoke with another person about any mental conditions I have, to which I honestly deny and they let me go in less than an hour. It's been a long time since then and I've heard absolutely nothing about where we are in the process. I would assume that I'll need to redo my polygraph, but I've heard nothing about rescheduling. This job means the world to me and I'm so scared I threw my employment prospects in the trash and set them on fire. What are the chances I get to redo the poly, or better yet, not have to deal with it since I gave them the dirt they so desperately wanted?
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