What is it about you that makes you focus in on my refusal to attend therapy meetings, but allows you to discount the horrible things that were said in those meetings. Don't you realize that it tears at a person's soul to be repeatedly accused of molesting children every week? My therapist would tell the group that since I am gay I like to ..... so wouldn't it have been so easy to do it to a neighborhood kid? Everyone else in my group was older, mostly anti-gay christians who totally agreed with the therapist that I had probably ..... at least one little kid, some time in my life. They would alternate between calmly reasoning with me, "Admit it, it's for the best," and angrily jeering at me for being a lying little fagot. 

Before I failed the polygraph we used to have respectful conversations about how I needed to make a social support network so I will have someone to call when I am feeling down and want to drink. They seemed proud of me for getting decent grades in school. One good thing that came from my therapy group was the idea to get a math tutor, which really helped me in school. But after the polygraph I wasn't allowed to talk about my personal problems or school or what I had learned in AA - any time I talked someone would quickly change the subject to what was I hiding. My fellow group members would ask me questions such as, "What if you got a letter from a boy you raped who was thinking about pressing charges." If there is a right way to answer those types of questions, I don't know what it is. All I could do was deny it and try to talk about reality, but to the therapist the polygraph results were more real than his previous respect he had for me. He said many times that I made him sick because he had actually believed me before. I cried every meeting, but no one felt sorry for me. They said, "You can't manipulate us with your tears. Think about the tears all your victims have shed."

I was totally thinking about killing myself at the time. It was like I was squeezed between a rock and a hard place. When I failed the polygraph all therapy stopped. Instead I had to sit through an hour of interrogation every week. I believed that i was going to prison one way or the other. What makes you think that I could continue to sit in group every week and "not-cooperate" and not get terminated and sent to prison. I still believe that is how it would have happened. 

Well, it's good to know that if your son or nephew or a friend's son was in that predicament you would just encourage them to stick with it. And what if they couldn't and they killed themselves rather than go through it one more day? Well, they made a bad decision. Can't blame the people in authority who have lied and abused him every step of the way.

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If you are saying that he was not revoked because of failing the polygraph, you are correct. But what does appear to have happened is that he was branded as being a liar by the polygraph, when it was actually a false positive. While it was his bad decision to stop going to therapy decisions which caused his revocation, it's demonstrative that the polygraph undermined his faith in the whole process--a human being can only handle so much.

When I was in the fourth grade my mom's boyfriend started molesting me and my older brothers.   I was in a bunch of naked videos with my brothers and with my mom's boyfriend and some of his adult friends.  I had sex with my brothers and the older men

When I was 14 my abuser brought a younger boy over and tried to get me to have sex with him, I refused. I videotaped the molester having oral sex with the boy. I knew it was wrong.

That victim waited five years and then he called the police on the guy who had molested him. During the investigation he mentioned that I was a witness who could verify what happened to him. I admitted everything and signed a paper.  I got arrested for creating child pornography.

Part of my probation included going to therapy classes and taking a polygraph test.  I failed the polygraph and my therapist accused me of other victims.  I stopped going to my weekly therapy sessions, which resulted in me getting arrested again for non-compliance and I went to prison for two years.  I got out on a three year conditional discharge. I have to comply with my therapy or else they can send me back to prison. I had to take another polygraph exam, I failed it. My therapist threatened to send me back to prison if I didn't start "being honest.
I had one more chance to take the polygraph, and if I didn't pass it I would have to return to prison. I got a different polygraph examiner.  I investigated the polygraph online and looked at antipolygraph.org. Thanks to this website I easily passed the polygraph.
I never molested any children. My only crime was videotaping someone else molesting a 14 years old. 
If it wasn't for the polygraph I would never have gone to prison and I would not be a registered sex offender for my whole life

I can't do anything to take away the pain I caused when I did my crime, but I can make sure never to harm another child. I think I will try to have a positive attitude and do the best I can to live a good life.


I took out non essential information and was impressed that you accept responsibility for your actions.  It appears that polygraph did not cause revocation of probation, violations of probation conditions.

Chuck

Your story is heartrending.  I do not question anything you have written and wish you well.  Life dealt you a shitty hand and you have made more of it than I could have if I were in your shoes.

But, you went to prison for non-compliance with probation requirements because you were pissed off at your therapist and the failed polygraph.  Even with the failed poly you could have avoided prison by simply complying with your probation.  You made the decision not to comply, not your examiner or therapist.  

The monsters who raised you ruined your life, not your polygraph examiner.

Continue your education.  Get a better job and find your proper place in the world.

My dad went to prison for murder when I was a little kid. He shot and killed his cousin over drugs. My mom was (is) also a drug addict and wasn't able to take very good care of my brothers and I. When I was in the fourth grade my mom's boyfriend started molesting me and my older brothers. I told her a few times what was going on, but he was keeping her supplied with pills and drugs, so she didn't kick him out. I was molested for many years, until I was in high school. I actually loved the guy and did not realize how bad the things he was doing to me were. I was in a bunch of naked videos with my brothers and with my mom's boyfriend and some of his adult friends. In some of the videos I had sex with my brothers and the older men. I actually liked it and didn't understand how wrong it was.

When I was 14 my abuser brought a younger boy over and tried to get me to have sex with him, but I refused. I did video tape the same guy who had molested me having oral sex with the boy. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think I would get in trouble, because I wasn't actually touching anyone. I knew the boy from around town, but that was the only time he came to my house and the only time he was molested as far as I know for sure, but I heard he was molested other times by the same man.

That younger boy waited five years and then he called the police on the guy who had molested him. During the investigation he mentioned that I was a witness who could verify what happened to him. When I was picked up by the sheriff I was told that I was not in trouble, but was only a witness against the guy who had molested both me and the other boy. I admitted everything and signed a paper. Then I got arrested for creating child pornography. I really could not fight my case, because they already had a signed confession. I agreed to a plea bargain where I would testify against the man who had abused me and in return the prosecutor dropped my sentence to one year of probation and she told me that if I was good they would remove every thing from my record and I would not have to register as a sex offender.

But part of my probation included going to therapy classes and taking a polygraph test, which I failed. After I failed the polygraph my therapist started accusing me of other crimes and it really pissed me off, so I stopped going to my weekly therapy sessions, which resulted in me getting arrested again for non-compliance and I went to prison for two years. I participated in the sex offender program in prison and actually passed a polygraph exam in prison that said I did not have any other victims other than the one boy who I video taped. Then I got back out on a three year conditional discharge. I have to comply with my therapy or else they can send me back to prison. After a few months I had to take another polygraph exam and even though I told the truth, I failed it. My therapist was a real asshole about it and he threatened to send me back to prison if I didn't start "being honest." Nothing could convince him that I didn't have more victims or something to hide. 

Earlier this year I was told that I had one more chance to take the polygraph, and if I didn't pass it I would have to return to prison. I got a different polygraph examiner than the other one who had failed me twice. I also investigated the polygraph online and looked at all the stuff on antipolygraph.org. Thanks to this website I easily passed the polygraph. I still have to be in the program for over a year, but I won't have to take another polygraph until the very end. I feel good about it and think I won't have any trouble passing. 

So, that is my story. I never hands on molested any children. My only crime was video taping someone else molesting someone and that was when I was 14 years old and it shouldn't have even counted against me as an adult, but the prosecutor decided that since I was not punished when I did it then I was eligible to be charged as an adult and sentenced as an adult for the crime I participated in as a minor. My probation was not dropped after a year and actually I do have to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life. The whole scene makes me sick with anger when I think about it, but what can I do? You can't fight city hall they say.

But I can't kind of fight the polygraph. If it wasn't for the polygraph I would never have gone to prison and I would not be a registered sex offender for my whole life. I was (am) sorry for my crime and I never want to hurt another child, but then again I think it was obvious that making the video wasn't my idea and I was being bossed around by a pretty bad person. I know that if it wasn't for the polygraph I would not have been put in prison and I would probably be in college right now instead of working part time for minimum wage and being broke as a joke. The polygraph ruined my life and I am so thankful for this website that I will do everything I can to spread the word about the evils of the polygraph.

Maybe you still hate me and think I am a shitbag forever. I can't control that, but I will just say that no matter what you say I will not hate myself. Today I love myself and want to do the best I can to build a bright future for myself. I can't do anything to take away the pain I caused when I did my crime, but I can make sure never to harm another child. Some people might say I am a piece of shit forever and I should kill myself, but I don't think I will. I think I will try to have a positive attitude and do the best I can to live a good life.