In november of 2000, I was charged with "Encouraging Child Sex Abuse 1" x5. I plea bargained down to 2 counts instead of 5. I had just turned 17. My actual crime was trading child pornography over the internet. I recieved probation, and as a stipulation, I had to attend sex offender treatment. I fought it tooth and nail, and didn't take it seriously. I was using drugs and skipping group sessions. In late september of 2001, I was given a Full-Disclosure Polygraph. I showed no signs of deception, and was totally honest, which was embarrassing for me, because I had had several homosexual encounters, which where consentual and age appropriate, but it was private. But I accepted the fact that I had commited a crime, and I would have to do things that I didn't want to do. Bottom line was, I had not offended anybody hands on. On December 18th, 2001, I was incarcerated in a juvenile corrections facility for probation violation, stemming from failure to show for SOT, and positive urinalysis for THC and Opiates(I was taking Vicodin for 5 teeth I had pulled, so that was cleared.) On January 24th 2003, I was transitioned to a less secure facility for reintegration. I had still not officially completed SOT. On March 3rd, just over a month later, I was paroled due to budget cuts. I was one of 2 sex offenders to be cut in the state of Oregon. I ended up being the only one, because the other guy got in a fight. After I got out, I aquired all of my psychological exams and medical files that the state had kept on me, through a connection I had inside. Report after report all said the same thing. "This kid has problems, just like any other teen, but he isn't a threat to the community. Why is he locked up? I have been on parole now for 5 and a half months, and things are going OK. I am going to have a maintenance polygraph, my first, sometime soon. Bottom line is, I understand how my actions have affected people. I understand that I have a problem and I am working very hard at correcting it. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again. A lot of people minimize what I did, saying that they are just photos, and that I was just a kid. But the fact is, I new that what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't stop. I'm paying for that now. I just want to know why a test that has been shown to have a failure rate that is unacceptable if it is the deciding factor on whether or not i stay free or go back to jail is being administered. I am really scared, and here is why. I have relapsed several times in the last few months. By relapse, I mean that I have looked at pornography on the internet. Not child pornography. That is where the problem comes in. I have been using the program Kazaa to download pornography, and after a search, I usually highlight all the results and download. After I had done this, I was browsing through the images, and came across child pornography. I deleted it instantly and logged off. Even this scare has not deterred me. I have a serious addiction to pornography, which I am currently in treatment for, aside from SOT. This situation I have described has happened several times. Now, I know that if I report that this happened once, I would be forgiven. But at 5 or 6 times? Not a chance in hell. I would be back in Jail in a heartbeat. But I know in my heart that I have no interest in child pornography anymore. I have spent over 2 years learning how to hate it. The sight of it makes me queasy thinking that I contributed to kids being offended. Do I deserve to go back to jail for this? I don't think so. But do I lie and try and pass using countermeasures? I am pretty sure I can do it, but every bone in my body is telling me that I need to be honest. please tell me what you think, and feel free to email me. I am open and honest about my offense, and welcome all feedback. In case you are wondering, Encouraging child sex abuse 1 is a class B felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. And yes, I do have to, and am registered as a sex offender in the state of Oregon.
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